Mama Always Said...

"If you lie down with dogs you'll get up with fleas!"

One of the greatest expressions that have ever graced my ears! I couldn’t agree more, “If you lie down with dogs, you will wake up with fleas.”

*Lie Down-Not necessarily sleeping with, but also investing your time and energy into this person.
*Dogs- No good men, ain’t bout nothing women, irresponsible, selfish, ego-driven… click here for more examples.
*Wake up- To become physically and mentally alert to/ aware of…
*Fleas- Unwanted drama (what drama is wanted?), displeasing/ disturbing/ devastating emotions, or undesirable physical changes i.e. STIs/ STDs

On some conscious level we are all aware of the lesson behind this expression yet often we silence our logic and decide to act otherwise. Knowingly, opting to associate and interact with dogs is straight foolish!

We know this, yet there is a little voice of foolery in our minds (often confused with our heart) that is encouraging us to give them a chance… this could different… you can change them… it’s not that serious you are just friends…So we take a chance on them, then turn around and wonder why we now have fleas. As the definition states I am not specifically talking about STD’s, I mean we wonder why he is acting this way. What’s up with all of the drama? Why am I feeling so low? Confused?


Often we don’t recognize the dog beneath the sheep clothing and “lie down” unfortunately to wake up to some bull… Lesson learned.

I don’t want to limit this expression to romantic relationships; one could easily associate it with casual friendships. Those friends who choose to be involved in destructive activities, looks to attract drama, and any reason to douse an altercation with gasoline will suck you into their cycle of destruction.

Cut them off… You don’t need dogs in your life. Do something magnificent in your life and cut loose the people you know aren’t about shyt. I know I know... some dogs are so entertaining… they always answer when you’re up at 3am lonely as hell… they aren’t “bad” all the time… oh and you’ve known them forever so it would be janky if you just cut them loose like that. I know! I know!

Now pause for a second and quit making excuses- take a chance and do something for YOU.

Create a HEALTHY distance from people who are emotionally, spiritually, socially, and physically draining you, and work on strengthening the bonds with people who are emotionally, spiritually, socially, and physically fulfilling you.

This expression is definitely golden and should echo on for generations to come.


What really concerns me is do we really have to learn the hard way in order to truly learn this lesson?

Mama Always Said…

If you look you will find...

For the longest time I had the wrong interpretation of this phrase, perhaps because it was often delivered as a scolding reaction by a no good boyfriend after I caught him cheating. I would always rebut this phrase by saying, "well if you didn't have anything to hide then I wouldn't find anything!" I thought the phrase was suggesting that catching your significant other cheating was inevitable so, "if you look you will find" that the awful truth is all men are dogs.

I thought this would be the perfect Mama Always Said… saying for the theme of Sabotaging Relationships, because when I began to understand the meaning of this expression I realized not only how true it was, but how often we were all guilty of it.

If you look you will find whatever it is you are looking for, why? Because if you are truly and whole heartedly seeking something, nothing will stop you from discovering that "something." This can be inspirational for someone seeking career advancement, academic achievements, or self-fulfillment however, this can be destructive for someone seeking validity in a relationship.

If you are dating a man and you feel he is cheating, so you seek to prove that and ultimately you find that he is cheating. Are you really shocked?

Even if someone is not cheating on you or hiding anything from you, your unnerving drive to validate your insecurities will find truth in anything that seems ambiguous. You will find doubt in any explanation that he gives. You will not be at peace unless you prove that he is no good, you are willing to take that one little ounce of doubt and pursue it, amplify it, instigate it, injecting a noxious poison into your relationship eventually pushing your significant other away and ending the relationship. And when you two break up you will rationalize, "he was a dog anyway."

If you look you will find, because for one you already know Who and What he is, and if he is no good you know what the fate is… so what you are looking for is right under your nose, so save the O-M-G face and be real with yourself from the start.

If you look you will find, because secondly, if you are not ready for a healthy relationship (by taking time to deal with your insecurities, trust issues, self esteem, and baggage) you are going to have an unhealthy relationship no matter how you flip it.

If you look you will find, finally because if you have your mind set on believing that all men are no good and will eventually butcher your heart, then all men you date will not be good enough and any imperfection he reveals will butcher your heart.

By no means am I implying that you should not look out and pick up on the signs of a no good significant other, but what I am saying is that by amplifying and instigating every seed of doubt that enters your mind may be a sign that you have some personal issues you need to resolve.

I do think at times insecurity can drive you to believe something you have yet to witness, the fear becomes overwhelming and the only way to have any peace of mind is to prove that your fear is valid. Some women call it intuition… I don't know about all of that… but it is clear that this state of mind is unhealthy.

I think this expression is still very much so Golden, my new found interpretation may not be very popular, however from experience it holds to be very true.

Do you have a different interpretation? Thoughts?

Mama Always Said...

"Pick all over sugar and land on shit"

Meaning, women will allow all the good men to get away and end up with a worthless man.

I think this is some advice we all need to hear a few times in our lives. How many of us sometimes reminisce about "the one that got away"? He is the guy who was so nice and sweet but too nice and sweet and because we didn't know any better we ended the relationship or any potential there was because we were looking for something different. Now, how many of us know now that "different" is not always better? Often the nice guys are overlooked because their sincerity may seem to good to be true, and we give our attention to the loud, flashy, and dramatic man because he glitters. When I say "glitters" I mean when someone has little to nothing to offer he may talk bigger than most, make promises that are grander than most, aim to attract attention that excessive than most, in efforts to conceal the fact that he really is not about shit. How many of us know that everything that glitter is not gold ? We often rant about wanting a "good man" someone who is worthy of our time and knows our worth (and whatnot) yet we seem to give those men the hardest time, or even worse we are so blinded by doubt and cynicism that we allow for that good man to pass us by. In future posts we will elaborate more on the men we attract and the men we are attracted to and why? Please stay tuned for that.

Part of what what Mama Said really sticks out to me is "pick all over..." I just envision a 6 year old at the dinner table "picking all over" her peas and rice, thinking I know this is good for me, I was told it was good for me, but I don't like the way it looks and I just don't want to try it. Sometimes we practice the habit of "picking all over men" as though we are 6 year olds and they are peas and rice. There are so many personal components that come into play when rationalizing why you should not further pursue a relationship, we will address those components and prevent my Divas from landing on shit. I do believe we all want strong & healthy relationships, but we all have some habits that may make it difficult for us to achieve that, atleast to its fullest potential.

In the "Mama Said..." series we will determine if the advice is still relevant for today Golden or if it is time for us to Wise Up and leave that advice in the books, and in this instance I think it is Golden. So listen to this advice and give the nice guys a chance! You may like him... or even better love him!

What do you think do nice guys always finish last?
Do you have a different interpretation of what Mama said?



Did your mama always tell you some words of advice about men, love, relationships, or simply being a woman and you would like it featured? Please email me the quotation and what it means to Sweet.Chivonne@Gmail.Com