Deal Breaker: Bible Thumper

Now I know we all want a Christian Man (I'm making a generalization for those who are sensitive to such), but what if this man is a Go-Hard, Sunday Service, Morning Service, Bible Study, and Wednesday Prayer Service.

And I don't mean the show up for attendance church goer I mean he is truly committed. He knows the art of integrating the Word into every conversation and he leaves know meal prayerless. "Bless you" is a permanent fixture in his vernacular and he truly seeks the Lord.

He doesn't have a desire to go clubbin, listen to non gospel music, or premarital sex. He doesn't view it as "wrong" he just has little desire to do so...

Is this a deal breaker? Is a man who is in-tune with the Word and committed to being a Man of God, intimidating? Do we only desire a specific level of religious commitment from a man?

I think we want to be with a man who share similar views of religion, something like being equally yoked. And if you two are not on the same plane, it is not unusual to be attracted to a man who is on the level you aspire to be on, in terms of his relationship with God. We can learn from a man with a strong relationship with the Lord, and though he may not be "the one" it is always great to have the digits of a man who wouldn't hesitate to pray for you when needed.


I don't think it is a deal breaker, so long as the man isn't the true definition of a Bible Thumper

Bible Thumper: One who uses the Bible to attack/defame others' characters instead of as a guide to proper living. These people tend to be depressingly ignorant of anything else except the Bible and behavior as expected by the religious.


I'm not a frequent church goer but I used to feel bad for the church boys thinking dang these good boys never get play but little did I know Church Boys can get down with the rest of em... fo' real!

Its so crazy how a place like church can be the breeding ground for sexual firsts of many. I was watching Judge Hatchett and there were two teens at court asking for a paternity test. He was 14 and she was 13!!

So Judge Hatchett inquired about how did they meet and when did the sexual relationship begin... and wouldn't you know it they both admitted it commenced between the pews, continued on the church van, and then there were the occasional encounters in the church parking lot during bible study... I wasn't as shocked as their parents, but that's crazy! Or am I being naive?

I digress... Back to the question at hand, is a church going, straight shootin', bible thumping man too much for you right now? Or just what you need in these times?

Deal Breaker: The Baby Mama Factor

He has kids... Is that a Deal breaker?

If you have decided to date a man who has children (or considering it) you have to understand that his children are priority, as they should be, and it is imperative that he communicates with the mother of his children. Now, you do not have to like it... You do not have to like her... but you have chosen to deal with her when you chose to have a relationship with him. The key to diffusing Baby Mama Drama is avoiding it at all costs.

If the mother of the children is constantly arguing and having confrontations with your boyfriend... Stay out of it. Even if she has your name all up in her mouth, do whatever you have to do to avoid that drama because the truth is it is not about you, it is not about his relationship with you... it is about some issues he and she need to work through and you need to decide if you are willing to wait for them to figure it out. I personally wouldn't want to be in that sort of situation, but if this is the man you choose then this is the baggage that is included.

If you fear that your boyfriend is still intimate with his baby's mother then you need to move on. Because if you have that doubt in your mind then it means one of two things (or both) 1- it very well may be true 2- you have some insecurities and trust issues you need to work on and being in this type of relationship is not going to help at all. This is not a man you want to "fight" for he may very well be a 15% man and I have already warned you about those. The truth is, if he is, do society a favor and let him go and pray he reconciles with his baby mother so we can put an end to broken homes in the African American community.

I would suggest that until you guys are really serious (like engaged- as in with a ring and a paid deposit on the reception site) you should limit the amount of time you spend with his children. Even if he insists, YOU have to know that by waiting until you two are most serious it will be healthier for the children and for the bond you all may potentially form.

Dating a man with a Baby's Mama doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker, but realize that it is not easy. If you are considering dating and becoming serious with him I would suggest that you take a moment and reflect on your level of personal security, trust issues, boundaries, and effective communication skills, because this is not just about you two there is a 3rd adult involved as well as precious children.

Him having kids doesn't have to equal "Baby Mama Drama" I think that is a common misconception and a wide spread fear women have which is why they may stay away. Some mothers are strictly platonic friends with the father of their children and only deal with him when it is concerning the kids. Before you jump to conclusions get a feel for how their relationship works and see if it is something you can handle (be real with yourself hun).

I don't think this is a deal breaker I think it just takes a different type of Diva to make it work!

Thoughts? Have you ever been in this situation? How did it go?

Deal Breaker: It's all in the Drink

Ladies if you are at a club and being approached by a man drinking an apple martini or strawberry daiquiri, what do you think would plague your mind at the moment?

I was listening to a popular local morning show and a caller posed a similar question to the radio personalities. I was shocked to hear other female callers ranting about how they would not only see him as less of a man, but actually question his sexuality.

It is not only women who are perpetuating this perception but men as well, as demonstrated in this excerpt from a popular blog for men (AskMen.com):

"You may love the taste of Sex on the Beaches and Apple Martinis, but ordering these sweet, colorful drinks may cramp your style. A real man’s drink is strong, sour and stings a little on the way down. So, treat your masculine self to a drink oozing with machismo, one without the fruit flavor or cherry garnish... Show off your rugged, testosterone-dripping, macho-soaked side by knocking back one of these drinks at your local watering hole. Show the ladies that you can handle your hard liquor like a pro, and they’ll be swooning over your manliness in no time."
(I could not help but laugh when I read this, paraphrasing would not have done it any justice)


How many single (and looking) ladies are passing over perfectly good men because of this ridiculous misconception? Judging a man by the color and container of his alcohol is so profoundly foolish I had to clear this myth- pronto!


One of pop cultures favorite and beloved womanizing manly-man's drink of choice is a martini (shaken not stirred). Granted it was a dry martini made with vodka, and today fruit flavored martinis are popular. What does it matter if a man wants to conceal the liquor a bit with a little peach flavor- it doesn't make him fruity!

Ladies, we need to realize that some men are comfortable with their sexuality and "style" and do not find it necessary to swig hard liquor and roar barbarically as it burns their chest, don't pass him over.


Now YOU tell me, If a man drinking a pink margarita adorned with a green umbrella poured in curvacious glassware topped with cherries was trying to holla at you are you going to reciprocate interest or did he just break the deal?

Thoughts?