4.02.2009

Act like a Lady, Treat Him like a Man

On the heels of the Steve Harvey "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" foolery, I thought it would be necessary to address the unnerving necessity to treat men like they are children.
Why do we have to follow ridiculous rules and round-a-bout antics just to get a man to act right?

He is not a child, therefore we should be encouraging him to be more accountable not making excuse for his behavior. I don't believe I should have to shelve my physical desires in order to have a healthy relationship (Harvey's 90 day rule). Why can't we have sex and still be vibing afterwards? Do I want to be with a man who would act any differently?

No. And I don't believe that is a personal view, I feel most women share that sentiment. Women want to be open to be who they are and display their true personality without worrying about breaking a rule, or failing to teach the man a lesson. It seems these books want to teach us to suppress out natural desires and instincts in order to accommodate his... That makes no sense to me.



Why can't we just be who we are as women and treat him as a man... an adult male?

Anything else is child's play!

Here is an example from Harvey's Book:

"We need to talk."For a man, few words are as menacing as those four—especially when a woman is the one saying them and he's on the receiving end. Those four words can mean only two things to men: either we did something wrong or, worse, you really literally just want to talk.

Reminds me of trying to force a 4 year old to eat vegetables. You know its good for them, they know its good for them... but just don't want to do it. I'm not interested in dating a 4 year old.

First let me state, this is a common point laced within the pages of many relationship and advice books. We all know "communication is key" and as we grow into adulthood we begin to master the art of communicating through socialization. Are we suppose to believe that men are naturally retarded in that skill and we should not only accept that but learn to work around it? Wrong... Once again, Child's Play. I have dated many men who not only initiated conversations with "we need to talk" but also were more than happy to listen to me vent and vent to me as well!! That's what couples do! How else can we be informed and supportive?



Why are there so many books targeted towards women regarding how to bait and trap a man using methods that ultimately require her to treat him like an barbaric idiot or even a toddler? Despite all of those methods and rules the truth is he is a grown ass man and he will be with you if he wants to be with you and marry you when and if he wants to marry you. Certainly it is not necessarily that simple, however to be honest it is only as complicated as you allow it to be. As a previous post discussed to, when someone shows you who they are believe them...



Simple v. Complex... It is a gross generalization that men are simple and women are complex when it comes to relationships.... I disagree. I know men who are complex and many women who are simple. Nevertheless, I think authors would like for us to believe this as a way to excuse and accept the actions of no-good men. In fact, lets be real! Yeah some women may be complex, as a direct result of reading all these damn "advice" books giving them hypocritical messages... rules... instructions... that they swear are foolproof. Fail!



I don't think literature on how to figure out a man is as important as literature about How to love and respect yourself as a woman... How to prioritize and be comfortable with where you are in life... How to enjoy being by yourself whether single or in a relationship... How to create healthy boundaries that support your values and goals.



I would like to see that on the NY Times bestsellers list.



Thoughts?

3 comments:

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

"I don't think literature on how to figure out a man is as important as literature about How to love and respect yourself as a woman... How to prioritize and be comfortable with where you are in life... How to enjoy being by yourself whether single or in a relationship... How to create healthy boundaries that support your values and goals."


I CO-SIGN ON THAT 100%!
But these people who write these books only have $ signs in their eyes.

LLnL said...

I like what Steve had to say. The part that I focused on was getting to know the man well enough to know if he is worthy. I meat a lot of men that I was attracted and that were charming, but they only could remain nice, caring and loyal for a so long. The longer you get to know someone without giving the the things that they really want has a way of bringing out their true colors.

It's not a game, it is simply investing the time it takes to get to know somebody before you connect with them physically. Also it is important for man to get to know you. People have a tendency to make up an idealize concept of you. Then later when they see that you are not as perfect as you appeared to be they are shocked and amazed, when really they have only know you for a few weeks. I think sex slow down communication process.

If you just want to have sex and don't get your feeling hurt easily than you don't have to wait. I think that there are exceptions when the right people get together and they relationships is great no matter what. In general though I think love at first sight doesn't happen; it takes a lifetime to a know someone well. If you are looking to protect your heart and are willing to deny yourself for a little while I think the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice.

Artjuice said...

I completely agree with LLmL on this. I believe everything is about balance; if there is no balance then it is just not going to work in the grand scheme of things.

I admit as a man and in my experiences has led me to believe that women are pretty complicated, and that we are pretty simple. I think that is the reasoning for the conflict between males and women because women tend to look at the emotional side of things first, and males look at the logical side first. It isn't about the fact that we don't communicate but about how we communicate as men and women and finding that common ground