2.23.2009

The Art of Revealing: His Intentions

This post will address the art of revealing his intentions, ways to know he has no intention of being in a committed relationship. This is not as hard as some women would like it to be. I always stand by the saying, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."



If you are talking to a man, and he is showing you through his actions and/ or his words that he is not ready for a committed relationship then he's not ready. He won't be ready after you have sex with him, he won't be ready if you wait around patiently like a "good girl," he won't be ready if you show him your worth (whatever that means)… He will be ready, when HE makes that decision. Needless to say he may attempt to throw some mix signals, but are they really that mixed? Really? Lets see…
  1. He calls me every day and we talk all night, but he still doesn't want to be in a committed relationship.

  2. He tells me he really like spending time with me, however he still has other female friends and avoids talking about "us" and our future.

  3. We have sex every now and then and he told me that he loves me and enjoy being with me.

  4. He never calls me but always wants me to call him

  5. He tells me everything, I feel like his confidant, he told me he never told anyone else what he told me, but he still treats me as a "friend"

  6. We meet up when he wants to meet up, he's typically not available when I hit him up, but I still leave a message and he calls back (eventually)

  7. We spend a lot of time together and he says all the right things, then I don't hear from him for days.

  8. We have great conversation, he's fun to be around but he seems to think its okay to suggest that we 'hook-up'

This man is doing just enough to intrigue you and have you think the relationship is going somewhere, then he is pulling back just enough to remind you that he isn't ready to be with you.

The problem (if it isn't clear) is that 1- He is controlling the relationship, the pace, the potential… even if it's ultimately not going anywhere it is he who is controlling it to his advantage. 2- By accepting his behavior you are giving him the permission and power to jerk you around like that.
In revealing his intentions the best way to understand where you stand is to ask… He could either give you double talk- saying he doesn't know but he really likes you etc., or he could give a direct answer- "no I am not ready for a relationship," or he could avoid answering the question completely by changing the subject- "do we have to talk about this right now… how bout you let me give you a massage?"
Though they may seem like three different responses they are actually the same, "I am not ------- (ready to, interested, thinking about, considering, have a desire to) have a committed relationship with you"
If you find yourself in this situation it is imperative that you are first real with yourself in deciding what you want from the relationship.
If you want to be in committed relationship with him, then you need to work towards letting him
go… immediately.
If you only want to be friends, lets get real! Ask yourself this if you saw him in public with another woman would it anger you? Jealousy maybe? Be really real with yourself, are you trying to be his "friend" because you hope he will eventually come around and be your knight in shining armor? How certain are you that this is (or will be) a healthy friendship?
If you feel compelled to stay because you think he will come around…. WAKE UP FOOL!! The chances of that are slim, and your waiting will grow into anxiety, you will begin to push the topic of a relationship a bit more, you will begin to forget about your boundaries with hopes that he will realize how much of a "catch" you are. Just know, if he does succumb to your pressure and claims to be committed to you don't be surprised if the relationship is extremely bumpy and very little changes
Ultimately the art of revealing his intentions is right before your eyes. It is not nearly as complex as you may want it to be, it is simple, however asking the question, accepting the truth and moving on is difficult.
Thoughts?

3 comments:

searchingwithin said...

Loved your article. The issue of friendship with them, is a big issue for many, including myself. One I need to write about, and work through. I have never experienced this problem, until recently, and I have a raging battle going on within myself over it.

Again, great post.

~Best Wishes~

Tanishia said...

I LOVE this article. I have a couple of friends who need to read this ASAP. Keep writing Whitney!

Certified Diva aka Chivonne said...

Thanks Tanishia! Gurl don't be using my gov't name!! Naw I'm kiddin' LOL!! Seriously thank you and please comment and share with people you think would be interested in reading! I will facebook you when i get off work we must catch up (Jamaica) !!