If you have decided to date a man who has children (or considering it) you have to understand that his children are priority, as they should be, and it is imperative that he communicates with the mother of his children. Now, you do not have to like it... You do not have to like her... but you have chosen to deal with her when you chose to have a relationship with him. The key to diffusing Baby Mama Drama is avoiding it at all costs.
If the mother of the children is constantly arguing and having confrontations with your boyfriend... Stay out of it. Even if she has your name all up in her mouth, do whatever you have to do to avoid that drama because the truth is it is not about you, it is not about his relationship with you... it is about some issues he and she need to work through and you need to decide if you are willing to wait for them to figure it out. I personally wouldn't want to be in that sort of situation, but if this is the man you choose then this is the baggage that is included.
If you fear that your boyfriend is still intimate with his baby's mother then you need to move on. Because if you have that doubt in your mind then it means one of two things (or both) 1- it very well may be true 2- you have some insecurities and trust issues you need to work on and being in this type of relationship is not going to help at all. This is not a man you want to "fight" for he may very well be a 15% man and I have already warned you about those. The truth is, if he is, do society a favor and let him go and pray he reconciles with his baby mother so we can put an end to broken homes in the African American community.
I would suggest that until you guys are really serious (like engaged- as in with a ring and a paid deposit on the reception site) you should limit the amount of time you spend with his children. Even if he insists, YOU have to know that by waiting until you two are most serious it will be healthier for the children and for the bond you all may potentially form.
Dating a man with a Baby's Mama doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker, but realize that it is not easy. If you are considering dating and becoming serious with him I would suggest that you take a moment and reflect on your level of personal security, trust issues, boundaries, and effective communication skills, because this is not just about you two there is a 3rd adult involved as well as precious children.
If the mother of the children is constantly arguing and having confrontations with your boyfriend... Stay out of it. Even if she has your name all up in her mouth, do whatever you have to do to avoid that drama because the truth is it is not about you, it is not about his relationship with you... it is about some issues he and she need to work through and you need to decide if you are willing to wait for them to figure it out. I personally wouldn't want to be in that sort of situation, but if this is the man you choose then this is the baggage that is included.
If you fear that your boyfriend is still intimate with his baby's mother then you need to move on. Because if you have that doubt in your mind then it means one of two things (or both) 1- it very well may be true 2- you have some insecurities and trust issues you need to work on and being in this type of relationship is not going to help at all. This is not a man you want to "fight" for he may very well be a 15% man and I have already warned you about those. The truth is, if he is, do society a favor and let him go and pray he reconciles with his baby mother so we can put an end to broken homes in the African American community.
I would suggest that until you guys are really serious (like engaged- as in with a ring and a paid deposit on the reception site) you should limit the amount of time you spend with his children. Even if he insists, YOU have to know that by waiting until you two are most serious it will be healthier for the children and for the bond you all may potentially form.
Dating a man with a Baby's Mama doesn't necessarily have to be a deal breaker, but realize that it is not easy. If you are considering dating and becoming serious with him I would suggest that you take a moment and reflect on your level of personal security, trust issues, boundaries, and effective communication skills, because this is not just about you two there is a 3rd adult involved as well as precious children.
Him having kids doesn't have to equal "Baby Mama Drama" I think that is a common misconception and a wide spread fear women have which is why they may stay away. Some mothers are strictly platonic friends with the father of their children and only deal with him when it is concerning the kids. Before you jump to conclusions get a feel for how their relationship works and see if it is something you can handle (be real with yourself hun).
I don't think this is a deal breaker I think it just takes a different type of Diva to make it work!
Thoughts? Have you ever been in this situation? How did it go?
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