3.03.2009

You will never find another like me! ...Right?


You were a good girlfriend and you stuck by him through the hard times and catered to him during the good times, however it didn't work out and you are determine to make him realize that he has made a huge mistake by taking you for granted and he lost out on a good thing.

Why else are you still calling him, in order to throw in his face where he fell short, and why you two could never be together again?

Why else are you wondering why hasn’t he called or texted you and you two had broken-up 2 weeks ago?

Why else do you need reassurance that he “understands” the error of his ways?

You are desperately seeking VALIDATION and the cold hard truth is that it is not about him… it is about you.

Seriously, what makes you think that he will give you the “validation” or “emotional satisfaction” NOW when he never gave it to you from the start? It is like you are saying,
“You showed me who you were (your true colors) and I was able to reveal your intentions while in the relationship, and you were no good! Which is why our relationship ended HOWEVER now that I am gone, I am certain you will morph into someone else and give me the validation you were incapable of giving me while in the relationship.”

Does that help you see how foolish this is?

If anything you should know that you are not obligated nor is it your responsibility to “teach him” or “show him” anything. You are an independent mind just as he is… Let him go and if he has that realization, who cares?!? You have already moved forward into more positive and productive things.

I emphasize “who cares?!?” because you truly do not need him to validate or reassure you of something you ALREADY know. You know you were good to him, you know he lost out on a good thing, you know how he fell short and the error of his ways… If he doesn’t know this he may have no interest in recognizing it or he recognizes it but is not reacting in a way that is satisfactory to you. There’s the root of the issue.

You are hoping for a reaction that you may not get and you truly should not seek. If he doesn’t “get it” then he just doesn’t “get it,” but you do, can you find comfort and worth in that?

If you feel this is going to help you move on, let him go, or gain some much needed closure- You are wrong. You are only making it more difficult to let him go, there is no comfort to be found in this route, there is no end to this path, and what is worse you are creating a habit that you will practice when ending relationships to come.

I believe that when you choose to seek validation or even act in this manner you are completely discrediting and devaluing your very own ability to make judgments and be comfortable and confident with your decisions. Be the reassurance that you seek, let your drama-free future be the validation that you seek.

Why even when the relationship ends we feel we need a MAN (or another person) to validate our feelings? Thoughts? Do Share...

4 comments:

O. L. W. said...

Awesome post FPD! The succinct and sincere approach is definitely in order with this topic. A topic that clearly a touch one... LETTING GO.

Certified Diva aka Chivonne said...

Thank you O.L.W. I feel this is a topic that a lot of readers can identify with now or at one point in their lives

Triniways said...

I liked this one. I can remember being told "you'll never find another like me" my immediate response was "THANK GOD"!!! I don't think that was the validation he was looking for -- but it sure did help me.

Certified Diva aka Chivonne said...

LOL That is hilarious! I don't understand why dudes who are awful BFs are so convinced that they're a "catch" ! Maybe some straight foolish chick has convinced him that he worth something!