3.08.2009

The Art of Revealing: Your Past



While dating, it is expected to want to learn about one another but sometimes we can be a bit hasty about revealing our past. In this two part post I will address the Art of Revealing your past, and his past (you may recall the previous post, The Art of Revealing: His Intentions)
What do you want him to know and why?

Sharing with him your likes and dislikes is healthy and important for him to know at the start of the relationship. However, sharing with him details about your sexual past or past relationships could be a deal breaker. Before you opt to divulge ask yourself, "why am I telling this 'stranger' this personal information?"

Are you telling him so that is may serve as a warning? You may tell him "I've been hurt in the past" expecting him to see the caution signs when in reality he sees the Exit sign, because he doesn't want to deal with your baggage.

Are you telling him because you feel that it will strengthen the bond you two share? If you're starting your conversation with "I've never told anyone this but…" you need to pause and remind yourself that not only is he essentially a stranger but he has no obligation to remain your confidant is the relationship ends or even during the relationship.

Are you telling him with hopes that you are leading by example, and by "opening up" to him he will in turn open up to you? Don't kid yourself into thinking he's going to divulge information to you in the same magnitude you are to him. And as I will mention in the another post, there are things that you should not want to pry into when dating.

Sometimes we so desperately want a male shoulder to lean on and cry on, someone to validate us and our emotional turmoil that we pour our souls out the very second we have a chance. You want to be able to tell him anything, even the things you swear you'd take to the grave you feel it is a privilege to have a man to share it with, or maybe you do not know what are some good conversations to have when first dating.

Getting to know one another is something that takes time and does not require you to volunteer too much information, however I am not condoning hiding anything that may true. If you are uncomfortable answering a question say, "Maybe we can talk about that another time" or Yea, I'm not really comfortable sharing that with you at this point" do not be afraid to create those boundaries, I am certain it won't cause him to run and hide, if anything it will intrigue him.


3 comments:

Lilly P. said...

this is sooooo true. oftentimes, we divulge way too much information during the infant stages of a relationship in hopes that we will become closer to or secure the relationship with that person. the irony is that we do this before we even know this person enough to know if we want to be in a relationship... to love to be loved... ha...

Certified Diva aka Chivonne said...

this seems to be common and I completely agree with what you stated Lily P we do it in hopes of creating a bond but sometimes the best way to create a strong and lasting bond is to create boundaries and pace yourself.

Anonymous said...

Amen. Great post!