I thought we were over this...

I was listening to my favorite radio show during my commute home from work this week, and the topic was on inter-racial dating. I rolled my eyes thinking this is old news who is still stuck on this? and too my surprise a flood of callers all black females called in venting their rage about black men dating white women.

Two points came to mind that I would like to share;

1-Male or female, black or white or Hispanic or whatever... straight or gay, whoever you are, I personally feel is would be unfortunate for you to miss an opportunity to meet your soul mate because you refuse to date outside of your race/ethnicity.

I feel everyone can benefit from broadening their scope and going beyond their comfort zone to meet potential mates. I'm not saying it is easy but I am saying that it may actually be rewarding.

2-Chris Rock brought up this point in his stand up "Kill the Messenger" and I found it quite profound. He suggested that the only reason why black women get upset about black men dating white woman is because... y'all ready for this?

Black women are not as attracted to white men as black men are to white women.
So basically the "ratio" is not balanced and therefore unfair to black women, hence the root of their rage. Between gay men and white women black women may feel their chances are slim to none catching a black man...

I don't think that is necessarily true. There are plenty of attractive white men out there I would suggest the issue may be that white men may not be as attracted to black women.

I thought I would share this excerpt from a blog I read;

The more I woke up next to a white woman, I found my self attracted to the smell of their hair, their smoothly shaved legs, their french manicured toes, their porcelain like skin and their free spirit. The contrast of our skin is one of the most erotic things I can imagine.
I know plenty of beautiful black women, but I don’t find myself attracted to them in a romantic way. I can appreciate their beauty, but it’s not for me. Over the years, some have taken this as a insult. I take it as the ability to make a choice and to have a preference.

It is a pretty good blog you can find the rest of the post here where the blogger, Ethan, details why he prefers to date white women http://idatewhite.com/2008/09/30/why-white-women-2/

I am so over the interracial dating controversies I feel like they are so 1997ish... however a lot of communities still deal with the issue and interracial couples still are being harassed.

Do you feel like there are still extreme abstentions to interracial dating? What group of people do you think have the most issues with it? Don't you think we should be over it by now? Am I being too naive or optimistic...?


J said...

I would love to date outside my race. My only thing is where to find men(other races) that are interested. I have no hang up finding a man with a liked background but in another skin tone. Where are they??

Donald Frazell said...

Not in most of the country. People still bond by group, and especially through family. People tend to marry those similar to themselves, who they feel comfortable with. Black men tend towards lightskin women and white women as status symbols. White men want a taste of cocoa, but not the supposed financial burden in business apartheid. People are highly attracted through pheromones, not sure if they are racial very often.

These are some reasons why the rationis the way it is. I have dated only black women since my mid 20s, married twice, with a swirl son. And adopted a black child, who is now far more my son than my biological. Who by the way is dating a blonde Columbian girl, though he never liked white or Asian girls as they chattered too much, but did go for the lightskin girls.

I have dated all skin colors, my wife now fairly dark, but my ex fiance was almost black, and dated three African women too. Two of whom had an odor, often because of diet, as I was also slowly repulsed by the one full Asian girl I dated in college, who smelled of sesame oil. A very overlooked factor.

Personaly, I find darker
women smell better, a pheromone thing. The ones who were almost white smelled acidy, like a hospital or blood, sweet and sickly. Mental, or hormonal, who knows. But chocolate it is, and I have had a wonderful and wide choice, and picked the best. My life style is not hindered by family that would look askance, and being from the LBC, where swirlin is a way of life, Samoan-Mexican, Philipino-Indian, Black white, and many combinations.

Always looking for models, an artist, let me know if there are any comers here, I will do you right. Creatively speaking of course. And the old sterotype of black men being better hung than white? False, from what I have been told. Asian me as rather tiny, but also tied to overall size. A 6'2" man gonna be better packaged than a 5'1" guy.

Thing is about interracial dating, white Americans dont care about other cultures. So is very difficult to find someone to have alot in common with. Europeans are far mmore bi cultural, the countries are small and they speak many languages. Americans overall are shallow and dont know alot about the world. Dont have to. Californians, of all races, even worse. Usually have dated women from other places, last white women i dated were Israeli, jews are white in America, and a French woman. But msot black or swirls, two Asian-black women, from back East. Southerners tend to be set in their ways. And blacks and whites live seperate but equal lives. Little non business interaction, unlike here on the West coast and back east.

Good luck, find love, and sex does matter.

Dr. Phoenix said...

I've had this discussion with some Black women I know. I think Black women have a different allegiance to the race (we're taught to support our Black men, etc etc) than Black men are pushed to have. Also, I don't think its that men of other races aren't attracted to us but that we only put ourselves in situations to interact with Black men. Do we go to the happy hour with our non-Black co-workers or other events? In some cases, you do have to put yourself out there and not necessarily even just to find a mate of a different race. Having associates and friends of different races adds value as well. But they're not going to always come to us. It's not going to always be that one non-Black man in the crowd of Black men...maybe you'll have to be the one Black woman in the crowd.

LLnL said...

I don't care who wants to date who, i don't have time to hate I get upset about a man that is not attracted to me. I think all healthy and love filled relationships are a blessing so I'm okay with however a couple looks.

I do admit that I have a slight problem for people refusing to date anyone of their own race. I thought it was hypocritical self hatred bs but know I know that you can't judge a book by its cover (there are so many factors that woman can't fathom that cause men prefer what they prefer)

I do believe if more black woman where open to dating white men they would let this go, but again, who I am to judge someone's preference.
I can't say it enough, I love your post. Keep up the good work.

Epifany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Epifany said...

Well I'm black woman from Europe (UK) currently dating a white man( Spanish). I don't have no issues and I don't see colour when love gets in to it. Colour has never been a factor in terms of making friends or dating (never crossed my mine til someone pointed the difference out in the middle of the srteet!) I think certain people vent about interracial relationships because of jealous more than race...

Benson Manento said...

I don't agree with that statement either that blk women aren't as attractive as blk men. That is outrageous to make such a statement.