Description: Some may refer to this type as “player” or “dog” whatever your choice of words they are pretty much the same. This is the well dresses, smooth talking, flirtatious man who has to surround himself with females. He has female acquaintances wherever he goes, often refers to them as “friends.” You know the type…
Why Avoid Him: If it’s not obvious, he probably doesn’t respect your time or that of any woman. He feeds his ego with the attention he gets from women and that’s bound to lead to something physical.
Why We Do Not Avoid Him: We want to see what all the fuss is about… We assume there is a very good reason these women are (seemingly) swooning over him. And also, we want to “tame” him, for some reason we believe we are going to be THE ONE who makes him change his ways or modify them a bit.
Description: This is the guy who may not be on your level intellectually or common sense-wise. And his naivety and ignorance is somewhat charming, and you feel compelled to take him under your wing. He’s not as clueless as he comes off to be but he thrives off of women who assume the maternal role when dealing with him.
Why Avoid Him: Because you do everything while he plays dumb… or incapable. He’s the one that you’re trying to help find a job (he doesn’t really want), trying to help with the custody battle (he doesn’t care to win), trying to help get back in school (he probably just want the student loan check)… You feel like, “yeah, let me help a brotha out” when in reality you just doing the foot work to bring him to excellence while he’s perfectly content chilling in mediocrity.
Why We Do Not Avoid Him: We feel we have an obligation of some sort to help him out. Perhaps even motivate him. He talks big, and we are often persuaded by his pipedreams that we want to lend him a hand. That maternal instinct begins to kick-in and we actually feel really good about what we’re doing… until we realize how he’s playing us!
Description: Thug, dope boy, trap-star, whatever you want to call him. Driving a Chevy _____ (fill in the blank) on 22’s. Often engaged in illegal activities, and carries a gun somewhere on him or in his car. He has truly embraced the streets by choice. Do I need to elaborate? I don’t think so…
Why Avoid Him: Uhm, really do I need to answer that? SIGH for my lost divas allow me to explain. He’s living a lifestyle where he doesn’t value his life and the lives of others so why would he value your life… time… body… heart? Yes, even thugs need love, but not yours hunny that’s a road you do not want to travel down.
Why We Do Not Avoid Him: Something about the bad boys… There is some excitement mixed with fear that gets our blood flowing throughout the body. The demeanor, the tattoos, the way he talks can be appealing (especially when you’re brain is being flooded with all these rappers trying to be sex symbols *yuck*). And once again you may want to be the woman who “changes” him or you want to be the one he FINALLY settles down with. That sort of accomplishment makes you feel valuable, or worthy despite settling for less than your worth… Do you really want that lifestyle? Do you really think he’s going to give up his for you? Do you want that burden of trying to pull him from the streets while at the same time furthering your life goals and pursuits? No.
Description: This guy is someone who you met, and thought you two really hit it off and would perhaps become an item, however it never actually took off. He is the guy who calls you and floods your ear with flirtatious comments and asks the “questions” (you know the ones you ask before you start officially dating) getting your hopes up and have you believing you two have a future. You even mess around a couple of times, a kiss here and there, maybe some oral… maybe even some sex (geesh I hope not). He comes and goes as he pleases, its obvious you’re the only female he’s talking too and he makes it a point to tell you how much he admires you and values you guys friendship. Yes FRIENDship.
Why Avoid Him: Because he wants to be your friend with benefits for as long as he can get away with it. Why is this bad? Because he’s wasting your time! He doo-dallying around while putting his hand all up in your cookie jar, without making a commitment. He says just enough to have you thinking it could go somewhere but it never does. What is so important when dealing with this guy is not to try to force HIM to make his intentions clear… but for YOU to make yours clear and be consistent because, by playing the “friend” role you can really get hurt when you see him with another “friend” and have to face the reality that you never sealed the deal. So long as you allow him to play… he will.
Why we Do Not Avoid Him: Because we want to believe we are strong enough to maintain a friendship with this man without being romantically attached… We’re afraid that if we present him with an ultimatum he will reject us, so we opt to wait for him to come around and he will “come around” but not with the intentions you desire. We think breaking off the “friendship” will make us look bad, like we couldn’t handle it, and the truth is- we can’t and that is okay, nobody wants to be emotionally tormented.
Description: Extremely attractive, outgoing, nice, guy you met through another friend , he wasn’t very aggressive but clearly showed interest. He makes it known that he’s single and looking and is quite obviously a good catch, until you find out he just broke up with his girlfriend who he openly describes as being a psycho heart breaker.
Why Avoid Him: Because you are only getting 15% of his attention both emotionally and physically. The other 85% is obsessed with his ex and proving he can get over her. It may seem like he’s over her but within weeks he’s mentioning meeting up with her for lunch (and you act like you’re cool with it) or from time to time he says “my ex used to …” or even worse they have the same mutual friends, which makes it extremely awkward for you when meeting them.
Why we Do Not Avoid Him: Because he’s the relationship type, who would be such a great boyfriend and potential husband… We want to believe he will get over her and it will be all about you. You know you deserve a good man! Yes, he’s a good man but he’s not YOUR man, not entirely only a mere 15%, so just let him go.
Question to the Reader? Have you ever settled for a man you knew you should have avoided for one of the following reasons; he was very attractive, the sex was good, or you hate being alone?